Beneath the stains of time
by fanfic.addicted01
Summary: A collection of one shot works about Lara and Jacob's relationship. It probably will multi-chaptered over here. Bunch of fluff works. Mentioning sexual things, not writing about them in details, but still mentioning them.
1. Beneath the stains of time

**Ok so I put this on AO3 as a first past of a series, a one-shot collection. Then two more parts later I remembered I have a account too, maybe I could upload this here too as IDK, part of a small experiment or why not if I have the account? After all the Jacob/Lara pairing deserves more stories on both sides xD Some of you probably already read this, some don't, but I hopefully will reach some new readers of this ship and hi for the familiar faces over here too :D Copy and paste the notes from the other side as well ;)**

 **Hi :D**

 **So I thought it is time to be creative again and also do something with alive!Jacob. I feel him like a bit stoic but very gentle character, who is able to live his feelings, but he lost so much over the years he rather bury his feelings deeply away. And now meeting with someone who makes him feel scares him a lot. I could definitely work with that, so I gave it a shot and let's see if it worked or not :D**

 **These one shots not really following the game - mostly because I don't have the time to re-start it and also I rather grab moments between these two than follow the game's storyline strictly. There is a chance I will do an alternate ending for them, so probably their moments won't stop and will keep going after Siberia :D**

 **No beta-reader and English is not my native language - sorry for the mistakes.**

* * *

She stood in a high tower, watching over the City beneath her. Well, the ruins she corrected herself silently. It must be a great city some time ago, Lara easily could imagine the scenery with the grand buildings and full of life. Definitely had a very lively community.

And still, even when it was ruined, it still fascinated the young Croft – full of secrets and mystery and history. These walls must see great things and she would happily sit down and hear Jacob's stories about the city and his people – what the legends are saying, how they ended up here, how they built the City, stories about the Divine Source… everything. These were exactly the things why she followed her father's path and be an archaeologist – of course she wanted to make her own path and she respected Richard deeply to walk in his shoes, but her father's stories about myths were so magical so… inspiring. She missed those times, when the world around her were full of magic and miracle. Maybe some parts of her were still looking after that carefree feeling, maybe that was also the part of her reasoning why she was here and choose this path for her life. Of course it was more complex than that, after Yamatai everything changed, but maybe deep-deep down she was happy not every tale was a lie.

This meant the monsters were also real of course. And she had enough of them already. Strange creatures in the wild yes, but what frightened her even more she saw them in people as well. The creatures of nature were what they were: bloodthirsty things and they were quite clear what they wanted: kill her.

It wasn't that easy with humans. They tend to pretend they are something else and lie about their true nature.

Sighed heavily and watched how the puff of warm breath swirled and mixed in the Siberian cold air.

It was so peaceful. The ruins, the everyday life. The silence.

No screams, no orders, no gunshots… no last breaths and painful groans. Maybe if she could stay for some time Lara could feel whole once again. Maybe it'd take years, but she was still saveable, she knew that. Right there, right in that moment she could turn her back to this madness and find her peace.

Sometimes played with the idea, living an ordinary life – no great discoveries, yes, but much more peace. Myths would remain myths, monsters would stay in the darkness. She'd be blatantly ignorant toward the truth behind the stories, but also she'd have a chance to a normal life. Maybe she could find someone, a partner, someone she could love.

Lara chuckled softly, but not with joy. That life wasn't meant to her. She meant to be something more than an average human being – and that also meant her path was a difficult burden and had to face with it alone.

And sometimes she felt lonely.

Steps came behind her and she looked back at the source of the noise – Lara wasn't cautious this time, not here; somehow she knew she was in safe. A man was it, taller than her, his blue eyes warm and a gentle smile played on his lips.

"Jacob" greeted him friendly. The smile on his lips became a bit stronger and he stepped next to her, following the direction of her gaze toward the mountains.

Lara didn't mind his presence, even if they were silent for minutes – it was comfortable. Something came from Jacob in waves, some warmness and calmness and it was surprisingly easy just to be around him. Like a very warm and soft duvet she wrapped around herself – and never wanted to let it go.

For first it was so alien feeling it annoyed her; when they met in that prison she wanted to get rid of him _so badly._ Tried her best to turn his offer down, but when he mentioned the Divine Source her curiosity took over her – who would say no to such an offer? Accepted his help but wasn't very happy about it. And then this warm feeling found its way under her skin and she was unable to chase it away.

"You look like your mind is wandering." His voice grounded her back to earth. She must be spacing out. Blinked heavily, looked up at him.

"Sorry?"

A warm chuckle was her answer and that made her shiver just a bit. "It's nothing you just looked… peaceful."

"Oh…" She didn't make any further comment about this, diving back into the silence for several moments "Would you tell me more about the City?" Lara asked with a pair of hopeful eyes. She desperately wanted to know more about Kitezh's past, what exactly happened here and well… she loved hearing Jacob well… um… talking. He had a really shooting voice, it was like…. he was like someone who lived centuries and all that knowledge and wisdom were in him and Lara was more than eager to stay around him and learn from him. She didn't know what was his secret – probably reading tons of ancient texts? She found some of those around the valley, so Jacob easily had the chance to collect his knowledge from those.

He looked down at her, then back at the City under them.

"Maybe. Someday."

That was a short answer. Lara really hoped he will happily share some stories, but he always faced aggression from the outsiders before – it was understandable, he didn't want to share so easily.

"I have no time for 'somedays'." answered, couldn't hide the small amount of disappointment in her voice.

"Then stay."

Brown eyes were round and full of surprise. He didn't look at her first, it was almost like he was afraid of seeing her reaction, but then slowly turned back toward her. Jacob was serious now, it wasn't something what just slipped out of his mouth, he seriously offered her a place in the village to stay.

Lara gulped, then opened her mouth to say something, but her voice failed her – pressing her lips together collected herself and tried again.

"How could I stay?"

 _'What would your people say? How I could live here? What Kitezh can offer to me?_ ** _Why_** _would I stay?'_

But she knew why as soon as the question popped up in her head.

 _'The only thing I'd stay is... for you.'_

He turned toward her with his body as well now, stepping a bit closer.

"What the world can offer you out there? You desperately seek _something_ , but unable to find it, you are driven by that throbbing emptiness inside you." Reaching out with his hands he gently touched her harms "But if you stay here, maybe you'd find your place… maybe Kitezh can give you what you really want."

 _'Maybe_ ** _I_** _can give you what you really want.'_

It really sounded like that or Lara only wanted to hear this out from his words? Was she this desperate, this lonely? To misread him this much?

She didn't know what terrified her more: being wrong about him or being right.

"Jacob I… I… there is my life, my heritage, my father's memory, I **need** to go back. I need to defend everything I have left, the Croft manor, my father's work…"

"That's only a name Lara. A name. The manor, the path you feel you have to follow… it's only your reputation, it's only what is expected from you to do. You don't have to live like that."

Her gaze fell down once again – it was just too much and too sudden. She didn't expect such an offer and definitely didn't expect the urge to accept it. It felt like she betrayed herself, thought she knew what she meant to do and now she was considering to abandon everything only because a man she barely knew asked her to do that?

A hand from her arms went up to and touched her cheek. It was red from the cold, but she felt her skin so hot, Lara was pretty sure she was blushing a bit as well. His fingers felt a bit rough, but surprisingly warm, gently caressed her red skin.

"You are so much more than your name."

His soft voice seemed to stop time around them – only they existed up there in the cold air of the tundra. For a brief moment nothing else mattered, just them and the now they lived in. If only she could make it last forever, a never ending loop, to feel this moment's presence, something she can almost grab and hold onto.

But the magic was broken when he let his hands fall and stepped back a little – looked a bit confused just like she was. He looked like someone who didn't really believed what he did. Did he debate about it this much? Kept asking himself if he really wanted to do this? Should he do this? Was he uncertain or even afraid what she could mean to him? Did she mean _anything_ to him?

Lara looked at him questioningly, sharp intelligence sparkled in her eyes, but also confusion, the 'why' and 'what happened' questions already burned in her, but wasn't sure she should ask them. That almost put a smile on his face – she was incredibly smart, braver than most of his people or even braver than himself in a way, had a strong spirit – still, he could read her like an open book. All the time he spent on Earth, all the people he met with and learned from, every experiences he gained, helped him to see through her. She was so young and wanted so much – she had every potential to reach her goals, but still, had to learn so much. Jacob knew her because once, thousands of years ago he was just the same. But she was still able to surprise him.

"Think about it." was all he told her and turned around to walk back among his people where he belonged, leaving Lara behind, alone and full of questions, creating chaos from her world.

* * *

 **You've made it :D**

 **So what do you think? Liked it? Hated it? Should I continue? Do you have any suggestions maybe? :P (I am so eager to hear them :D)**


	2. I'm slipping into the deep end

**Hi again :)**

 **So the romance train is on the move and here is the series second part :) God I am very tired, so just the usual things:**

 **\- non-English writer  
\- no beta reader  
\- very-very tired writer who re-read the thing 2-3 times, but high chance she was unable to notice mistakes (more than normal)  
\- hoping you will still like it, despite the things above xD**

* * *

Lara panted in the cold air as she entered into the valley – another mission is done, she could return to have some rest now, just to head out again after and discover more secrets of the wilderness.

The truth is she wasn't driven because of the excitement of new discoveries, to collect information, to solve riddles. The truth is she was hiding.

Lara rarely avoided problems in her life, she rather preferred to act than to sit and wait and see what happens. But this time was different.

Jacob's request frightened her. _Jacob_ frightened her.

She halted in her walk and after a short thinking changed her course – preferred to be alone and have some time to think. Another tactic to avoid the meeting with him, she knew well.

As a fearless fighter, faced with monsters and men who wanted to kill her and even if she was afraid, she still did it, pushed forward. But when it was about her more personal life Lara wasn't that brave.

Not to mention her love life. That basically non-existed.

It wasn't a coincidence she had no-one. Had every reason why she was alone.

She could say that it was because of her unearthly adventures, but it wasn't entirely true – was a loner before. Doesn't mean Lara didn't seek love or never had any partner before, but she felt like she had to play a part to be accepted by the other and when she was sick of that and showed her true nature it just didn't work anymore. Was she too bossy? Or too much? Too smart ass? Kept too much distance? Lara didn't know.

All she knew the romantic, 'let's walk in the moonlight at the beach' wasn't for her and seemed everybody wanted a sweet girl and some cuddling bonding time. That could be nice, but Lara wasn't happy with only that. Her idea of bonding time meant participating adventures together and not a lot of guy loved to be lost in the middle of nowhere, tracking down a centuries old myths and risking his life. She wanted a partner, not a "strong man" in her life. She wanted someone who was her equal and just accepted her the way she was.

This man apparently avoided her so far, so Lara just gave up on the relationships and rather switched to sexual partners, whenever she needed it.

She wasn't made of stone and was a healthy woman with healthy appetite – having sex wasn't wrong and why she would need a 'boyfriend' for it? Lara knew men find her attractive and if she liked someone for a night and that someone also liked her for a night, then why not they cannot enjoy everything the other could give to them? It was different than knowing someone and have time to discover what he loved and showing him what she loved – she was a bit braver, more willing to try out new things. Doing it with a stranger whom she will never see again somehow made it easier. There were pros and cons of it.

But it wasn't the same of actually feeling something more toward a person. More than just physical attraction. It was different than slowly wanting a person more and more, to be with him to spend her time with him, to get to know him better. There was a chance he will hurt her, like it happened before. She wasn't a little girl anymore, had several brake ups. Sometimes she took it easy, sometimes not, because she really wanted it to work, but it didn't. Sometimes she cried. And Lara never wanted to be hurt that way again. She thought she won't be, well not that soon at least – her travels quite limited her time to meet with her future next 'boyfriend'.

And then Jacob walked into her life and asked her to stay here.

Of course that should mean nothing to her. Like a man whom she didn't even know ask her to stay at a place where he lived… she should say no right then and there. But until that point she could pretend he was nothing more just a short-lived ally, someone who didn't want to kill her, but helped her only because their interests were meeting for a short while. She could ignore the forming warmness inside her, whenever Jacob was close and chased away any second thoughts about him. But with this offer she cannot deny that she wanted to say _yes_ to him.

She wanted to _try_. Wanted to give it a chance, more than ever before.

She stopped next to a ruined building – it was at the very edge of the village, the forest started to re-claim the territory already. A strange mixture of the sign of man and the wilderness. Leaned against the wall, feeling the cold stone under her back attached her back to the reality, but her problems were still there. Too much feelings, too much thoughts, just too much of everything, she wanted to scream! Covered her eyes with her hands silently cursed herself.

 _'Dammit, dammit, dammit!'_

She rather wandered around and face anything was coming at her – tombs, wild animals, Trinity soldiers, didn't matter – than to face with her problems, doing everything she could to avoid the village and Jacob in it.

"I am such a coward." she laughed bitterly.

"I never thought of you as a coward."

Gasped a bit, her pulse quickened, ready to defend herself, already reaching for her knife – how the hell she couldn't hear someone is coming? Damn personal problems! And then relaxed when she realized who it was – Jacob, already showing his hands, signing he was no threat.

No threat. Good joke.

Sighed, let her guard down, leaned back against the wall once again, letting her head fell against it as well, eyes closed. Suddenly she felt really-really tired.

"Please don't do that again."

He chuckled a bit, stepping closer – a bit too close maybe. Lara could smell his scent – leather, earth and musk. Somehow it reminded her at home. Weird, because her home didn't smell like that at all - almost felt his warmth. Refused to open her eyes, didn't need to see him when she could already feel him.

"I didn't see you around lately." he stated simply.

"Hmm-mm…" Was he looking for her? "I was busy."

"I heard about it. Tombs, soldiers…"

Finally looked at him and gave a gentle smile. "Just the usual things."

It _was_ usual. That's scary.

He smiled back, but it quickly faded, blue eyes turned to be more serious. Lara knew what topic will come up now and she didn't want to talk about it. She just got back, was tired, dirty, even hungry damn and she didn't even notice it yet. Had every reason to excuse herself and run away _again_. But it won't be anything else just avoiding the topic if she does it. And Lara already hated herself for doing that – it wasn't her style.

She still didn't say anything. Silently looked at each other, waiting for the other to speak first, avoiding the task to do it themselves.

He gave in first. "You didn't have the time to think about what I've said before I guess."

There they go.

Lara felt tensing up a a bit as she turned her body toward him as well, looked up at his face. She had to do this and now.

"Jacob… we both know I cannot stay."

The way he looked at her told her he was disagreeing. He couldn't understand it. It wasn't like she just could leave everything behind and fulfil his wish even when she is not even sure what is this between them. She couldn't throw everything away for a silly crush.

And still the feeling of want was there again. Wanted to try. Give it a chance. Wanted to see if it works.

With him.

No, she really couldn't… and shouldn't do that.

Annoyed once again she pushed herself away from the fall, pacing a bit, feeling nervous. Jacob followed her movements silently, she could feel his intense stare on her skin.

"What do you even want from me?!" snapped at him suddenly. She needed to concentrate on her task ahead of her, on the Divine Source, not to this, not dealing with requests she cannot fulfil.

"I only want to know you better." Riddles, no clear answers. Lara scoffed at him – no, that wasn't entirely true and both of them knew it. She realized she wasn't the only one who was confused or even afraid of some hidden parts of their souls.

"I cannot stay, because I don't belong here!" Other tactic; tell the half-truth, because it was better than admit she was actually afraid of her own feelings. Was she afraid of her feelings or was afraid to give up everything she fought for? Give up Richard's legacy? Maybe that scared her the most.

But Lara didn't lie either, not really. She kind of liked being here, appreciated the simpler life and the slower pace, but staying? That was not for her. Didn't feel like she could start to grow her roots here… or well, anywhere actually. Where she would settle down? When? With whom?

"Where do you belong then?" How he could find the simplest still most annoying questions to demand answers by keep pressing the topic?

"I don't know!" her voice echoed between the trees as she answered a bit too aggressively, losing her temper for a second "Nowhere!"

The following silence was deafening. Jacob still stood at his place, not saying a word, Lara panted, feeling her pulse slowing down. Even if Lara was not in danger and stood in the open, still felt she was forced into a corner and hated it. Looked down to the frozen ground beneath her mumbled tiredly "Why are you doing this to me?"

He moved at that, walking peacefully closer to her, lifting her gaze up by her chin. She looked right into those gentle blue eyes full of warmness and damn him, damn all this, damn Trinity, they led her here. To him.

Or was it meant to happen?

"Maybe you just didn't find the right place yet. You are definitely not lost and don't need a guidance either, but God is my witness I'd follow you anywhere."

She made a noise between a moan and sigh to that. Her journeys weren't really look like a trip to Disneyland.

Who would want to follow her?

"Why would you do that?" whispered her question. He forced her to face with it and she was ready to know. Needed to know.

It seemed like her question made him to think a bit, debate about his answer. Then pulled her closer and gave her a very soft, gentle kiss on her lips.

It wasn't anything serious, Lara exchanged her first kiss on her lips around her 12th years. It was silly, nothing serious, quick thing.

This definitely didn't feel like that.

It felt like slowly slipping into the warm darkness and don't mind anything else. It felt good, but also frightened her, letting everything out of her control and just _be,_ let the things turn out on their own and not trying to overwatch everything. Was that a bad thing? Loosing the control? Just let it finally happen, let everything fall into pieces and scatter away. Why not? That duvet was around her again and she knew she was unable let it go ever again. She fell and fell, but didn't mind – it was a weightless falling, when she didn't needed to think or solve anything, when she could just finally _be_.

It was everything she needed: warm, gentle, careful, loving.

When he parted just a breath away from her, opened his mouth and gave her the simplest answer ever.

"Because I want to."

* * *

 **So you are done with the second part, yay :D There is a chance I will re-read it some days later and add things to it. But I think it is good just for now.**

 **Need to mention this work was highly inspired by Ruelle's song (just look at the title, that much xD) 'Deep End'. Seriously I am addicted to her now xD (Means I put the song on an endless loop and kept writing and writing and writing xD)**

 **Confess-time! :D They needed it. What more they need? You tell me :P :D**


	3. It's a dangerous path we walk on

**Hi,**

 **So here is Part III, our next step in this journey together :D**

 **The usual stuff:**  
 **\- non-English writer**  
 **\- no beta reader**  
 **\- sorry for the mistakes**

* * *

The night was cold and harsh: this was Siberia after all, an unforgiving place, ready to test anyone who dared to come here. It wasn't a coincidence the Russians never build a fence around the gulags here; the soldiers weren't the enemies of the prisoners anymore; it was the nature itself. Anyone could try to run away to escape but the wilderness wasn't that welcoming, neither the long and cold Russian winters. Lara quickly understood the simple logic behind this thinking as she followed Jacob in the deep snow between the trees. The cold was punishing, she wasn't sure she can remember what is it like not to be cold all the time and God the thought of a tub of hot water was something what almost made her cry.

Thankfully they managed to find the unused shelter, where they can spend the night and reached it just in time before the nightfall when the temperature starts to drop drastically: not like the daytime was overly warm, but there is a difference between -20 degrees and -50 degrees.

She built up the fire quickly while Jacob rummaged through the stored supply, looking after something they can eat. Keeping these shelters full of fur and food was pretty handy in such an environment – Jacob always made sure these spots were capable to welcome anyone for a night or two, ever since anyone from the village could face problems when they were on the hunt or a gathering course.

And of course it was quite handy for them too, seeking some peace and alone time together.

The small cave already felt warmer as the fire spread its orange light and heat. Just in time – it only started to snowing outside and probably won't stop for the night. God, they could have a hell of a Christmas here.

Lara watched the falling snow, wondering when was the last time she could properly enjoy the Christmas time and wondered how some snow could remind her to the Holidays – to something what wasn't a joyful time for her after her 9th birthday. A heavier body sat next to her to the thick fur, pressed against her, already feeling its warmth and that brought her back to the present time.

Turning to the man next to her, who offered a metal mug with a warm liquid in it - apparently using the snow Lara brought in from outside some minutes ago.

"Thank you." smiled gently at him then sniffed into the mug. It smelled like a pine tree. "What is this?"

"Pine tea. And…" raised his other hand with a handful of deep brown and dry pieces of _something_ "…some dried meat."

"You are such a gourmet." Lara giggled, accepting the food what looked like to be a hundred of years old at least. Biting into it also felt like that: hard, very salty, hard to chew. Thank God for the tea, it made easier to swallow it down.

Still chewing Jacob eyed the piece of meat in his hand, having his own fight with it. "This is horrible."

She snorted into her tea, laughing freely, maybe the first time for…. well for a very long time.

"Definitely my worst dinner date so far." Exchanged a look then the laughter just broke out of them: it was somehow comical to sit in a cave in the middle of nowhere, drinking some hot water with swimming pine-needles in it, chewing on almost inedible pieces of food and it was still something they both enjoyed. There were no imperfect moments just the two of them and the way they created memories together.

She enjoyed these small things and sharing them with him – after so many years spent alone it was a bit weird feeling for first, maybe even scary to show the well-hidden parts of her to someone, but Jacob didn't force anything onto her. He never tried to lead her or dictate anything – despite having a strong personality himself as well, he willingly let Lara to do her things as she wanted to do. All Jacob did was telling his opinion or making suggestions, pointing at some different solutions, but let her make her own decisions. Despite him being older he didn't force anything on her, but still teaching new things to her in his own tender way. Finally, Lara felt like she had someone she can turn to when had her doubts and he won't look at her with disgust or even with fear, like Sam did after Yamatai.

Reaching out, she gently touched his hand. He immediately offered his palm, letting her place her hand into his, closing his fingers around her smaller limb.

They exchanged lots of small touches since they had that talk between the ruins in the forest. Smiles, touches, exchanged looks – when he showed something to her or talked to her always found a way to touch her: a small part of her back, brushing hands together, little caresses. The moments of catching him looking at her or just feeling the weight of his look on her, mostly when she minds her minor business, like cleaning her weapons at the fire at night. Quickly recognized _that_ feeling, welcomed its familiarity and it always put a small smile on her lips. Took some time for her to get used to all this and also reciprocate them, but she was always a quick learner.

Gently pulled her hand closer to him, silently asking her to slid even closer to him. Putting her mug down she let him, enjoying how he put his arms around her and embraced her in a hug, pressing her back against his chest, finding herself sitting in his lap, shielding her away from the harsh coldness of the outside world. He was hugger she realized it very quickly and showed affection through his touches.

They sat there silently watching the fire in a comfortable silence. These lone nights were their way to have some time alone and understand each other better – they both lost so many things and was hurt before, needed time to heal first.

Lara had some idea about his life, catching small amount of information from other villagers and from Sofia. Neither of them talked a lot about Jacob, but knowing Sofia's mother wasn't among the living members of this community told her a lot. Jacob lost the woman he loved once and that can cause a deep wound which slowly healed. She felt the same after losing her father.

But beside that she knew nothing about him – where he was born, who his parents were, did he have any siblings or not – Jacob never talked about such things. Lara respected that, but she was also curious and well, they started to get closer to each other as well – it would be weird if she is with someone whom she barely knows.

"Jacob?"

"Hmmm?" His voice was in her ear, felt roughness of his beard against her cheeks.

"Were you born here?"

A small sigh was her answer, sounded like he faced a problem he knew it will come sooner or later.

"No. I was born far away from here."

That confused her a bit: Lara always thought he was born here, ever since he always referred to his ancestors and how they built Kitezh and how his people were sworn to protect it. Maybe his parents decided to see the world and he was born somewhere else, then decided to come back years later? It was his heritage after all.

She should leave the topic alone, Lara felt it, but her curiosity was stronger.

"And siblings? Do you have some?"

He tensed up, felt his muscles go firmer as she kept pressing on.

"I had. Two brothers and a sister but they…. are long gone."

Well done Lara, you've made it.

"I'm sorry. It's just… I know so little about you and I just wish to know more about your past."

Easing up, he leaned down pressing a kiss into her neck.

"I know. But it's pretty complicated. You will know, but I need some time for that."

Knowing this is all she will get Lara didn't push him further. But that didn't mean she couldn't share.

"I don't. I am an only child. Always craved after a sibling, but my mom died and well it never happened. When my father died I felt so lonely, alone against the world… I could kill for a sibling just not to be so alone. We could be there for each other when it was the hardest."

Did he hug her closer or she just imagined it? She probably sounded like a sad little girl, dealing with losses too soon. She disliked that image of herself. She just…. got used it. Losses, be alone… it all happened and she couldn't change the past, so Lara rather looked forward and tried to avoid sticking in the past. And she knew she didn't really succeed with that – her father's memory was still a marginal point in her present and caused many conflicts with and doubts in her own self.

Before she was mostly alone – Jonah was a very-very loyal friend who stuck with her when others' rather abandoned her. She didn't blame them, perfectly understood why they made that decision, but that did not make it less painful. When Sam chose to end their friendship, Lara accepted her decision and never reached out for her – but it pained her so much and felt so alone. Death accompanied her and chased almost every living soul away from her.

But Jacob decided to stay with her, moreover follow her on her road. Lara still couldn't really believe that: she was afraid he will reach his breaking point and be gone, just like the others before. Constantly expected Jonah do the same, telling her it is too much, too risky, cannot do this anymore. Didn't happen yet, but it probably will, sooner or later. And Jonah wasn't someone who wanted to _be_ with her – sharing her lifestyle sounded like an ordeal and not a peaceful, happy time.

Sharing herself with someone was such an unfamiliar territory for her. No pretending, not forcing anything, just let everything happen on its own and enjoy the ride. It was new, someone wanted her like this.

But he did.

He pushed against her a little. "You are overthinking again." warned her with a hint of smile in his voice. It still amused her how good he was able to read her: it was true – she created the worst scenarios again and they didn't even happen, but were able to stress her perfectly. Let out a big sigh, made her muscles relaxed, fidgeting a bit, she melted against him – enough fragments of the past have been told for tonight, just enjoy his company. Time will come when they are ready for the whole story, but not now, in this moment - it was too special and both of them shielded it strongly away from the world: it was theirs and only theirs to cherish and to enjoy some happiness together.

* * *

 **God, I just love to write them being sweet xD Jacob is such a fluffy big bear, I swear to God I can't even :D**

 **Special thanks to Bear Grylls for the dinner's menu idea. Watching his shows constantly means it could be worse, much-much worse ;D**

 **We know a lot about Lara's feelings by now, but what about the male part of this pair? Probably will know that soon, ever since he is full of secrets and there is big surprises to come for Lara, I just cannot not write about him as well :D**

 **Oh yes, I've decided to give him some deceased siblings - in the 10th century when he was born, single child wasn't really a thing, so logically he must have at least one sibling, but probably more. Probably more than three, but loosing three siblings while he knew he will live on and on just painful enough. Or had more, but they died early. We just don't know.**

 **Of course he is terrified to talk about his past and Lara naturally wanna know more about him, but how can he tell anything without lying to her? Tricky.**


	4. The third chance

**Hi again :3**

 **So update time :D God, I have to do something with my titles, because I suck with them - it takes 15 mins at least to pick something out and I am like 'meh, but be it, I need a title'. (Same goes for names, thankfully I don't have to mind those this time xD)**

 **This one maybe is a bit more angsty - hopefully that won't make it worse (than as it already is XD) :D It's a slightly shorter than the prev ones, just a bit.**

 **Usual things apply as well, probably you know it already: non-English writer, no beta reader, sorry for the mistakes.**

 **Enjoy the fun :D**

* * *

Sleep didn't come easily for him that night.

The woman in his arms shifted a bit in her sleep and he instinctively reached up to brush some dark brown locks out of her peaceful face, watching her for a moment or two. She didn't wake up, fidgeted a bit more, but eventually finding her peace. Moving forward, pressed a gentle kiss into her hair.

The feeling of her body against his, her warmth, little movements, her soft skin against his were still new to him. So alien and yet so familiar, but he welcomed it and her in his life. When was the last time he felt like this? This… calm, peaceful… whole. When was the last time he let anyone close to him, shared things with that person? He couldn't even remember.

He did many mistakes during his long life, too many to count. Lost too much. Jacob often wondered about his own humanity, was he still a human or hardened inside, losing the ability to feel more than being responsible for his people and the constant guilt what ate itself into his guts deeply. But she proved he can still feel more than pain.

When he first met with her in that icy prison Jacob knew she was one of a kind. A fighter, that was clear – someone who faced with many things but willingly face with more. A creature whom you cannot close behind bars, a fearful lioness with all her fangs and claws, ready to rip anyone's heart out.

He saw her in combat and God… she was intimidating, but also fascinating. The angel of death, a predator and for a short moment he felt the urge to beg on his knees in front of her to spare him.

And now that lioness slept peacefully in his arms like a tame kitten. Lara had so many sides: the gentle and caring leader, a fearless fighter and killer, a young girl with full of doubts, the adventurer ready for her next trial. And he knew there is much more to discover about her. Will he have the time for that? To see every sides of her, to know her like no-one else does?

Thinking back to the beginning of this journey put a soft smile on his face. Honestly Jacob never really imagined he will fall for her. Hoped he can convince her to fight along with him instead of against him, because he surely didn't want Lara Croft as his enemy, but never ever expected she will revive such feelings in him. How could a man like him feel love after so many catastrophes, so much death? He wasn't the person his people needed and how he could be the person for a woman, like Lara needs?

He tried to keep himself away from her as soon as he felt the irresistible pulling. He really tried. But you just cannot say no to a Croft. She never demanded anything from him, but that only lured him closer and realized soon enough he was lost and hers – she just didn't know yet.

Looking down at her Jacob wondered about did she know it by this time, but probably no. She was so confident with her mission, he rarely saw any person to be this driven, but when it came to the two of them, she was shy, almost timid. He understood she was someone who lost a lot as well and was afraid – just like him. They were both damaged, but slowly healed each other. And yet, he still had his doubts about his decision to make the first step toward this.

Years before he tried to keep himself away from Alya, tried to make the better decision. This time he did against his better judgement. Alya was one of his people and even if she didn't know the full truth, she partly knew who he was, what responsibility he had and she accepted him just like that. Lara didn't have that luxury; she didn't know a lot about him. And it wasn't fair with her. Because how he could be with her, when he had to lie to her?

His past was always in the back of his mind, like threatening blackness what can destroy everything. He got her for now, yes, and was incredibly happy with her and she seemed to be happy as well, but what will happen when he tells her the truth? Or worst – she finds out on her own? Because sooner or later she will, her sharp intelligence will cut through his cloudy answers, he knew that. Wouldn't it be better if he tells her everything before that happens?

He scoffed into the darkness. Yes, yes it would be, he should do that, but he was too cowardly to do it and voluntarily destroy everything they have together.

Because what can happen after? He definitely won't let her take the Divine Source away, no, won't do that, not even for her. The mere thought of that makes him flinch and prays it will never happen – he had no wish to face her as his enemy.

She won't stay with him here either, Lara made that pretty clear and honestly, Jacob knew it already. She was meant to achieve great things, not to live in the woods in the middle of nowhere. But letting her into the Soul of Chambers was also something he'd rather avoid, because there was a huge chance even for her to die and never return. And if she manages to get a hand on the Source, then what? What if she destroys it? Will he die with it? Probably.

Gently caressing the soft skin on her back along her spine, Jacob was wondering how his thinking changed under so little amount of time already. Death. It was something he craved for centuries by now, but with her at his side he was reluctant to rush into the arms of it. He finally found a reason to be alive and stay alive – if only Lara wouldn't hate her, because he lied to her about almost everything.

"I hope you will forgive me. If not now, then one day." whispered in a heavy voice, his hug tightened a bit around her for a moment. Was a happy ending for them out there? Even if he tried everything to avoid thinking about it, Jacob was realistic and the answer was probably a no.

A heavy sigh escaped from him. How, how a man like him, living thousands lives and will live thousands more is still capable to find love after so many horrible things he did? Losing Sofia then Alya wasn't enough for him? The constant fear for his daughter, fearing he will lose her too and now losing Lara was on his list as well.

Every time she was heading out, he was worried for her, afraid she won't return, silently repeated one phrase like a mantra.

' _Please come back to me.'_

And he was so relieved when she did, it felt like putting down a huge weight, when he greeted her politely in front of everyone and later hugged her close in private and giving her kisses, to feel her well and alive.

But one day she will walk out of the valley and out of his life too and never comes back. And the thought of that pained him already.

"How I will survive without you?" asked but didn't expect an answer.

Watching her face he was almost able to see what great things were ahead of her – she will give so much to the world and he couldn't lock her into a golden cage just to keep her selfishly only for himself and see her wither more and more with the passing days. He has to let her go eventually.

Was she his punishment for his sins? This love he felt for her, this bittersweet happiness was a burden or a blessing? Felt like a bit of both. He was so scared of his emotions for years, isolated himself from everyone, he was almost dead but not really, a shadow of himself, lost in the labyrinth of pain, agony and memories. Stuck between two worlds: too alive to be dead, too lifeless to be alive. Cold and frozen inside just like the scenery around him and she was the burning fire, warm, full of life, almost destructive.

She hummed a bit in her sleep, probably dreaming something. Her smooth skin break under his fingertips as he came across one of her many scars – this one was a small reminder of Yamatai. Tracked it gently, not even minding what he was doing, too lost in this moment and in his thoughts. Maybe this is one of their last peaceful night, spent in his hut, covered with soft and warm furs, feeling her against him? God, please never let it end then. For a second, the idea of waking her up and make her as his crossed his mind, but she was so calm and deeply asleep, Jacob didn't have the heart to actually do it, even if they were running out of time.

Trinity got closer day by day and Lara was about to make a decision of going into the city, to face the Deathless Ones and Constantine as well. Jacob could see the hesitation in her eyes, when they talked about it. She didn't really want to do it either, but this was why she came for and Lara never forgot what was her goal, she was still driven and he know what her decision will be - Jacob knew her that much already to recognize how stubborn she still was about the topic. It was her mission and she needed to finish it. She will finish it.

And Jacob already accepted that. He will open the secret passage for her and let her do what she had to do. Because she was a fighter, a Goddess of Death, a protector, but mostly, all above because he loved her.

* * *

 **It was time to put Jacob in the middle of the attention already :D As we can all expect he is full of worry - like always - and doubts - like always - and probably makes some bad personal decisions - like he often does. Lying to Lara is not the wisest thing to do, but poor thing is so afraid of loosing her forever he just cannot make himself to confess - even if he thinks there is a huge chance he will lose her anyway, either way she dies during her mission or going away. But he just cannot be the very reason of that, like telling her "Hi, I am immortal, also the Prophet you are looking for and also having the Divine Source, but it's a no-no for you. Oh yes, I lied to you, but don't feel bad, I lied to everyone for centuries so yes, that's life, still loving me?" He is just a human being after all, immortal or not. And definitely needs some love xD**

 **Oh yes: Jacob knows himself pretty well, after all he lived much more than others, had enough time for self-exploration. He knows exactly well he loves her and has no doubt in that - knows exactly how much he is fucked xD Also knows if she decides to leave him behind that will be very painful for him and not sure if he can handle that again. Not only because it is about Lara, but dealing with another painful loss can be a bit too much even for him - having all the routine won't make it easier.**

 **Should I give him more parts on his own?**


	5. Falling free

**Hi,**

 **Oh God, this one was (is) a true pain in the ass. I just kept re-writing and re-writing, also re-reading it so many times, adding things to it, deleting things from it and still considered to re-write the first part of it, but I reached the point when I thought maybe I am overdoing it. Maybe it is just enough of editing this one and upload it. Give it a break and need some fresh eyes to read it.**

 **I needed to use some aspects of the game, some lines from it and I don't really like that - feels like setting up boundaries and I switch to telling things how they happened, instead of giving an insight. But I also didn't wish to change the story drastically - I cannot win xD So sorry if it is a shittiest part, probably I will work on it, but I definitely need some break from this one, because I am going crazy from it.**

 **Usual stuff applies (non-English writer, no beta reader, sorry for the mistakes).**

* * *

Seeing Konstantin's knifing Jonah in the side while she was out of reach and unable to help her friend was a nice part of her _'worst experiences EVER'_ collection. It was a massive third after finding her father shot himself in the head, blood still dripping from him and watching Roth die. It was her fault. Her fault.

Jonah was dying because of _her_.

Being that helpless was a pure torture, even when she managed to break her way through to him. Anger flared up in her, such a dangerous, destroying fire that no-one could stop. So she did what she was the best at: killed every Trinity soldier in that fucking prison, hunting them down one by one, making them pay for this. But that won't help on her friend, she knew that.

Watching him slowly fading away and unable to help him was something Lara couldn't really handle. No matter how many lives she takes it won't give back Jonah's life. No matter what she did she could only sit and watch how death slowly embraced him.

Something wet hit her cheek, wondering for a moment what that could be, then realized she was crying. When was the last time she cried? It wasn't a too far away memory, losing Roth was still a very vivid picture in her head. But before that? Probably Richard's death.

No, she couldn't lose Jonah too. Not him too. _Please, not him too._

"We can help him."

The man said that to her she set free earlier, one of Jacob's people, who watched over Jonah for her, while she let her rage out and showed her worst, animalistic face to the Trinity soldiers. Lara hated that side of hers and didn't even notice she had it, until Yamatai, but it helped her to survive and also helped to the people she wanted to keep safe. Or she kept telling that to herself, but it was clearly a lie – she lost more and more friends ever since she stepped on this road.

Looked up at him, surprised. She knew death, she knew when a human being couldn't be saved and Jonah was definitely on his path toward his end, she knew even if she didn't want to accept it, but she _knew_ it.

"How?"

"We must get him to the Observatory. To Jacob."

She didn't understand how Jacob can help Jonah now, but Lara was willing to try _anything_ at this point. If he can do something for her friend, then she had to try, had to try _everything_ to save him.

Getting back to the village was torturous. Jonah passed out and didn't move on his own, not even once and Lara couldn't help but think they will be too late, too late to save him, too late to do anything. Glued to his side followed the small Remnant team up to the Observatory, ready to strike at anyone who is not approaching with good will.

Jacob hurried to them, clearly worried. He looked at her first, just to see her being well, not reaching for her, but clearly wanted to. For short moment she longed for it, the feeling of his warmth around her, his calm voice in her ear, telling her nothing bad will happen, everything will be fine was so tempting, she almost forgot everything else. But the smell of Jonah's blood, the noises of the people around them quickly reminded her to what happened.

"Jacob, he is dying." The look on her face was something new, she was pleading now.

They told her he can save Jonah. Then _please_ , save Jonah.

One look at his face was enough to be sure he knew it was a fatal injury and the time was short. He was always worried when saw someone injured, his people or not. Compassion was something she admired in him and knew there not much of that was left in her.

Lara watched him like a hawk, kneeling down and reaching for his pocket, using some kind of dust on the wound and then he started to - pray?

She knew some prayers of several religions, it was part of her studies back the UCL, but the one Jacob was using was totally unfamiliar for her - it was clearly Christian though. She knew he is or was a religious man. He wasn't exactly like the modern priests or anything like that; he was like someone who had a firm faith and strong morals – that also pushed him into self-doubts and worry. These forged him into this strong and calm man she saw in front of herself and loved as well – it was like a calming balm to her wounded soul, he was someone she could lean on.

But never-ever saw him say any prayers. It was definitely a new experience and strangely intimate. But also popped the question up in her how that will help on Jonah – for her it was wasting the precious time and totally illogical thing to do. She took a quick glance at her friend's face, checking his state and seeing how he slowly eased up, probably feeling no more pain and he looked like he relaxed a bit. When Jacob finished with the religious text and raised his hands: the wound…. was nowhere to be seen.

A moment of heartbeat. She stared at Jonah's side, where the open, deep and bleeding wound was, seeing nothing else, just healed skin with no blood, not even a scratch on it.

That can't be. That cannot be.

And still she _saw_ it with her own eyes, saw Jonah being healed by praying and some kind of mysterious dust Jacob used on him.

No, it didn't make sense. People are not healed trough religion. The Deathless Prophet's legend came to her mind, a religious man who was immortal and able to heal the sick. Why the similarity?

Lara looked at Jacob, who turned his back to her, walked away, looking strangely anxious. Why he would be…?

Looking back to Jonah, her brain was on fire. It was like she looked at things in front of her but didn't really _see_ them and now she was wondering how she didn't see it before.

Was her chest heavier than usual or she just imagined it? Was she reluctant to acknowledge the truth for the first time ever or it was too unbelievable for her to accept it? What it would mean to her… to _them?_

Raised on her feet, slowly walked after Jacob, each step felt heavier than the previous one, looking at him like this is the first time she was seeing him truly. Catching up with him on the steps of the Observatory, noticing she was slightly shaking, out of fear or nervous, couldn't tell. Her pulse quickened, like every time she was after something, when she knew she was on the right track, but this time she didn't feel the excitement, only the coldness in her stomach – something she often felt when she was edgy or afraid. Was she ready for this?

"Jacob." She must be. "You were shot..." He was, when she brought back the Atlas and examined the old map, realizing where was the secret entrance to Kitezh. She remembered the falling ceiling, the noise, screaming, gunshots. Even the smells and the air, heavy with the dust. How she could forget the image of him, laying on the ground, bleeding heavily from wounds what looked to be way too serious to survive? He sent her after Jonah and she needed to go to save him, she needed to leave Jacob behind. His men were with him so she went – it was the only logical thing to do. But somehow what happened with her friend, the fear of losing him, another death was happening because of her just pushed everything out of her head. Now, calmer, she could also think clearer; even if Jacob avoided death he definitely shouldn't look like this; like someone who wasn't shot hours ago.

' _Deathless Prophet… healing the sick… the Divine Source what gives immortality… Kitezh…'_

Fragments chased each other in her mind, fragments of a bigger picture, slowly fell into places, seeing everything as one, whole piece, but she didn't like the final outcome.

' _Why I didn't see it way before?'_

He slowed down, avoiding looking at her, knowing very well this was the end of it – she knew. Of course she knew, Jacob expected no less from her.

"You are him, aren't you?" No turning back now. "The Deathless Prophet…"

Lara didn't even make it as a question.

Stopping, finally turned toward her. It was useless to lie to her anymore.

"I can feel pain. I can be hurt." _'Please, understand it.'_ "I am human." _'I had no choice.'_ "Save for a human ending."

Suddenly the world around them slowed down – there were just the two of them. Was this really happening with them? Can he really be an immortal man who lived for centuries or he was just the Jacob she used to know? How he could be _both_? Was she so wrong about him and wanted to believe to him so badly she rather ignored the truth or he really mastered this kind of game and she was an easy target? Like a mouse for the cat, who played with his food, before devouring it. Was she truly this naïve?

The look on her face was something he never saw before – she was hurt and vulnerable, but in the next moment her self-defense mechanism kicked in and reached back to the only thing she could conceal her feelings with.

"And the Divine Source?"

Maybe that was the last bit of information she needed to know.

' _Please, don't do this to yourself.'_

Sighed, there was only one way this could go. "Something I found long ago. It is real and deeply powerful." Something he tried to save everyone from. "But it is not divine."

' _It only causes suffering.'_

He watched as his confess sank in, confirmed everything she already knew, but hoped it is not true. Couldn't even look at him, she let her eyes fell on the ground, having a moment to collect her thoughts or rather herself.

When she looked into his eyes again, Jacob noticed the wetness in them.

"So you lied to them…. and lied to me. About everything."

' _No, not everything. Not everything…'_

He wanted to tell her. Wanted to say it out loud. Wanted to protest. But he couldn't. He did lie to his people and to her as well, but it wasn't that simple. It never was that simple. He tried to explain that to Alya before, but she didn't listen to him back then. Why Lara would listen to him, especially now? How he could explain _everything_ to her, standing on the stairs of the Observatory with Trinity in their heels?

How he could be immortal and still didn't have enough time for everything?

"Was this your way to keep me away from it? From everything? Kitezh and the Source?" Her voice was strained, barely could ask this from him, but she needed to know, needed to know if she was such a fool to believe him everything he said to her or something was true from it. But did it matter after all?

He must see that coming, she had every right to assume he seduced her for a reason – it still felt like a hit in the face. _'Please don't do that. I never lied about my feelings to you.'_

How he could tell her that without hurting her even more? How he could convince her to believe his words now? It sounded fool even to his own ears.

Raised his hand toward her, tried to touch her, - to comfort her or himself by feeling her warm skin under his fingers? Couldn't decide - but she stepped away from him quickly, practically growling.

"Don't!" barked at him, anger burned in her eyes, mixed with hurt and sadness. "Don't you _ever_ try to do that again."

Jacob could hear the silent threat from it. ' _Dare to touch me again and I will break your arm.'_ She could have shot him down as well, it wouldn't hurt him less.

"Lara…" he started weakly, but she wasn't interested in anything he tried to tell her.

"I'll help against Trinity as I promised, but I won't give up on the Source. Then I'll wait for Jonah to get better and after that I'm going to go home with him."

' _And I will never look back.'_

She looked at him for a moment, almost like expected some kind of answer to this, protest or begging, but eventually turned around and walked away from him, leaving him there alone, bare and broken.

She needed to get away. To get away from _everyone_. Forced herself to be calm and make one step after another, stopping herself to obey to the urge and run, run as far as she could. No, she won't run, she will collect herself and walk, taking the steps downward, one another. _'Just keep going. Just a bit more.'_

Only when she reached the trees and left the buildings behind her, only when she was perfectly alone, was the moment when she let herself to be weak. Reaching out to lean against a tree, pressing her other hand on her mouth to muffle her sounds, gasping for air, trying to get rid of the choking feeling in her throat, but it didn't fade away, only got stronger. How could he do this to her? How could he?

She thought… she thought…

Tears burned her eyes and this time Lara let them to find their way to the surface as the first sounds of sobbing escaped from her and her emotions betrayed her.

How she could be _this_ stupid? It was in front of her all along, but she let her emotions cloud her judgement, she let herself go weak and forget why she was here. And now she was paying the price for it, just when she thought she finally found someone and wasn't alone in this world anymore, just when she started to be happy and believed that maybe, only _maybe_ she was loved, it came after her and punched her in the gut. It wasn't even Trinity, who did this and expected them to do, but Jacob. That man she dared to love and trust, the man she let close to her and let him into her world… that man betrayed her. She barely faced with the fact what Ana did with Richard and with her, thinking she was her mentor and some kind of mother figure and suddenly lost that and also had to consider her as her enemy, finding out Ana was working with Trinity. She followed her lead, used her and Lara gave every information to her willingly, sharing everything she discovered with the woman Lara considered as _family,_ as an ally, as someone she could trust. And now she was in the same shoes with Jacob too. He wasn't a Trinity agent at least. But he caused more pain than Ana did.

She wanted to jump up, shake herself and keep going, just like before. This wasn't her first disappointment and won't be the last one either, but this time she couldn't do it. She couldn't stop the crying, couldn't order her legs to move again and couldn't bear the thought of seeing him again, even for a moment when she goes back to the secret passage what was waiting for her and step on the path leading her into the heart of Kitezh.

This time she needed a moment to cry freely and let everything out, just before she can be strong again and do what she must to do, no matter how painful it will be.

Because going into Kitezh and face with the Deathless Army was one thing. But leaving the valley behind was her true test.

* * *

 **...I dunno what to say. I have no excuse.**

 **Okay, the main idea is no-one, NO-ONE would be even okay-ish with lying and about such thing. Lara also strongly considers Jacob seduced her - like he can be seductive for a reason, yessss, of course... - ever since he tried to talk off her about finding the Source and she said a very firm no to it. Of course that is not true, but when you are hurt and angry and upset, you just say and think things what is not real at all. It's just a human thing.**

 **Honestly I think Lara is just hurt way too deeply to see clearly and to even try to understand why Jacob did what he did. She is more upset about he lied to her and also upset with herself not seeing it right away, not connecting the dots as quickly as she expected from herself to do. At this point trusting in him for 100% also considers as a mistake - ever since he did lie to her, but still unable to see why he did it.**

 **All in all, Lara is angry and hurt and thinking stupid things. Needs time to calm down - consider that she was just under enough stress with Jonah's close to death experience and before that she left Jacob wounded behind (which I totally forgot, but Youtube helped me out). This is her breaking point - and she still needs to face the boss-fight xD So yes Lara is a mess at this point and maybe a bit too paranoid as well.**

 **As for Jacob... he knew this will happen eventually and doesn't hope much. He would be happy if Lara can forgive to him sometime, and also considers he deserved this, ever since he misled her. He also knows he couldn't tell her anything she would listen to, not in this state of hers. It wasn't the right time for a heartfelt conversation. She is too hurt and angry to think clear, so the best he can do now is giving her time to calm down.**


	6. What happened to us, what happened to me

**Woah, just in time! :D**

 **I have a very weird relationship with this one. I wrote the base of it pretty quickly, but the editing took more time than ever before - but at the end I like the final result. Hopefully you will too xD**

 **The usual stuff:  
\- non-English writer  
\- still no beta reader  
\- mistakes? what mistakes? those? oh right sorry, didn't see them.**

* * *

Time was essential. Time was important. Time told her when she should do something and when not, when she needed to wait and when she had to rush into things ahead of her. And Lara constantly felt like she was choking, because she had _no time_ but she desperately needed it.

She wanted to be next to Jonah, watching his progress, seeing if he healed well. She needed some time for herself to think things through. She needed time to make important decisions, to let her wounds heal, to summarize everything what had happened with her. But she also needed to stop Trinity, to stop Ana getting the Divine Source, she needed to face with them because if she won't then who will?

Time. Being as old as the universe itself and the cruellest thing being ever created, but also desperately needed and _if only_ she could have some more of it… maybe then she could step forward than backward, maybe she could find her balance point and just know what she has to do. Maybe she would be less lost.

She was so tired, tired all of this, seriously considered maybe it was enough of her hunting after the next myth and finding the truth behind it. Maybe she should take some break. Maybe she lost too much already.

Lara knew she should get up and leave the forest behind – the secret entrance was waiting for her, the sound of the explosions from the glacier was clearly hearable as Trintiy tried to force themselves under it with no luck yet: the ice was thick and hard, but it was just the question of time and they will succeed, she knew it. She was wasting her perfect opportunity to get the Source before them.

Still she was unable to move and maybe also uninterested a bit as well, too tired and too overwhelmed. If she goes down like this there is a huge chance she will never come back and that wasn't her main goal: needed a clear head to think her moves through, but for that she also needed to be a bit more balanced.

Everything was a fucking huge mess in her head now.

Can't she just disappear and doesn't mind the world with its problems? Why she is the one who has to solve _everything_?

The fresh snow was crunching under heavy steps, getting closer to her, but she didn't give any sign of hearing them. A man approached, telling Jonah was conscious and she could visit him if she wished to do. Rising, silently followed him back toward the buildings, wondering if Jacob sent the man, giving her a chance to talk with her friend, before going into Kitezh.

Probably yes, it was him. Still very attentive, she thought, wasn't sure if it hurt or angered her even more; it reminded her to the Jacob she knew, but right now she didn't know if she truly knew him.

As they walked next to the Observatory, Lara tried her best not to look after a glimpse of a blue coat or a pair of sad blue eyes. She didn't look anywhere, only ahead of herself, following her guide to a smaller building - it still was in a good shape with the standing walls and ceiling. The man stopped, motioned forward – she had to go in alone.

"The passage is open. Whenever you are done and ready…"

She nodded at him, stepped forward.

Thankfully seeing Jonah was something she couldn't consider as a bad thing. It wasn't his corpse she was visiting. Almost, but it wasn't. Jonah was up and alive, sat up on his quickly-made bed, looked a bit pale and tired, but beside that he looked… good. Even if she was highly emotionally unstable, despite everything what happened with her in the last few hours, seeing Jonah well and alive put a smile on her face, hurried at his side, reaching out to touch him.

"Hey. How are you feeling?"

He smiled back, welcomed her greeting.

"Better. A bit weak, but I was told I will be just like my old self soon enough. But I also heard what you are up to…"

Clearly disapproved it, but he won't stop her, Lara knew that. He never did. It was something they both knew she had to do, so it was pointless to try to keep her back from it.

"Yeah. Just a usual day in the office."

They laughed about that, because what else they could do?

Once it wore off, he looked at her. Lara could see how carefully Jonah observed her features. She probably wasn't at her best: dirty, tired, overused with red and puffy eyes from the crying before.

"You look like shit." Painfully honest, just like always. Lara deeply appreciated that trait in him.

Sighed, found no reason why she should pretend anything. "I feel like shit." admitted "I just want to reach the end of it." She really did, almost craved to go back to the civilized world, get on a plane, go home and try to forget Kitezh and everything she experienced here as fast as she could. Was it too much for her? Didn't really recognize her boundaries this time?

He didn't say anything for a minute, knowing very well he couldn't just squeeze things out from Lara. She was a hard nut to crack open and needed to be done in her own pace or else her shells hardened even more and no man could break through them.

"Jacob also looks like shit…" started very gingerly. It was clearly a sensitive topic for her, he could tell the way she dropped her eyes and tensed up.

Honestly, Jonah wasn't blind neither stupid – he didn't spend many time in Kitezh and around the Remnant leader, but he didn't need to. When he was reunited with her, when Lara brought the Atlas back and they examined it in the Observatory, right before it fell onto their heads… Lara just like any other time was overexcited and on fire, clearly enjoying solving the puzzle. She was very good in this, her bright intelligence literally sparkled in moments like this, finally getting enough stimulation, have something to work on. It was nothing Jonah didn't see before. It was Jacob who grabbed his attention.

The older man looked a bit cautious – which Jonah found a bit strange – but also deeply impressed with her and looked at Lara with such… admiration and even love. It didn't really require a lot of effort to put the two and two together and see Lara had Jacob's attention not just as her ally.

According to now, seeing Lara like this and even if Jacob wasn't telling him much – or anything at all – but couldn't hide his pain from him, even if he tried his best, was a clear sign of that it wasn't a one-sided thing only.

Not like Jonah had any knowledge about Lara's love-life either, but the little bit he knew about her was just enough to know she was a loner, dived into her work and legends and almost being obsessed with it. He often told her to take it easy, have some fun – she was 23 after all, she should have friends, fun times and a boyfriend, not constantly risking her life – but she joked about it, avoiding the topic and Jonah didn't force it either.

Now, seemingly she found someone, but something shit happened.

She didn't react to his sentence, but also didn't try to sneak away from it, so her friend kept pushing a bit.

"Lara… what happened?"

Closed her eyes for a moment, Lara hesitated.

Jonah was a friend. A _friend_. He won't judge, he won't say anything bad, he just wanna help – she knew this. It still was difficult to open up and tell everything to him, she just couldn't do that. But didn't want to burry this in herself either. Maybe this was the absolution she seeks, maybe she can think clearer if she opens up a bit.

Looked at her friend, making a decision. "He is the Prophet."

Didn't need to point out whom she was talking about.

"The Deathless Prophet?"

Wow. That was… new. So the Divine Source was real and the immortality was… also real. That explained a lot and Jonah was also able to fill the holes on his own. It was quite a problem in a relationship or anything close to that and probably Jacob didn't start with it, so he must lie to her. He knew Lara, knew she was extremely perfectionist, always wanted to be at her best. She was so alone as a little girl, probably thought if she will be the smartest and the fastest her father will give her more attention and time. Or maybe, she felt like she needed to grow up to Lord Croft's reputation. Maybe she thought being a Croft meant she needed to be the best at her job. Or maybe this is what she only had, her name, her heritage, her brain, her job. And letting herself being misled could shake her world. Also it wasn't a wise thing to poke a woman with full of passion like Lara. She could love deeply, yes, but her anger was pretty destructive. Not a good idea to make a woman angry who can kill you at least five different ways.

She nodded silently. Jonah couldn't help but think she was so young, too young and inexperienced in this field. She judged too quickly and still saw the world to be black or white. Not as much as before, not after Yamatai, but she still needed to learn a lot about humans.

"Don't be so hard on him Lara."

She snatched her gaze at him, sharp brown eyes cut through him, not understanding why he is not at her side. But unlike Jacob, he wasn't that much of afraid of her. Jonah saw her at her best and at her worst too, perfectly knew what she could do, but who else will force her to see clearly if not him?

"What would you do in his place?"

No, Lara definitely didn't want to think about that. She _trusted_ him. Wanted to protest, wanted to tell Jonah he couldn't understand it, it is not just about the lying, but about betraying her, about using her, misleading her for a reason. But it wasn't so easy to stop Jonah.

"What would you do if you'd have to live with this burden, if you have to watch and see how others around you are dying slowly? Seeing your family to fade away? Sweethearts to die? Children? He had enough time to live through this over and over. And Trinity came and they wanted to use the Source for bad things and he also needed to deal with that. Alone."

Lara watched him silently. She didn't want to hear it, didn't want to deal with it, didn't want to feel sorry for a man who hurt her. But her rational side stirred in her, poked her to think about it, open her eyes and examine both sides, not hers only. She was proud of her intelligence and considered herself as an honest, fair person. If she really wanted to be like that, she had to look at this from Jacob's view as well – and Lara knew why she didn't want to: because deep-deep down she knew Jonah was right, but she was too selfish to admit, because she was too busy with her own pain and pride to sit down and admit she has no 100% right in this question. And even if she was hurt the question was there: what else she would do in Jacob's place?

She definitely just won't open up to a random stranger telling she was immortal.

Would she tell it to Jacob if they switch places? If she is the one, living forever and he comes to her, looking after the secret of immortality? When would be the perfect moment to tell him who she really was and expect him to be fine with that? She would be afraid he will hate her or be afraid of her, afraid of she will _change_ in his eyes.

Yes, it was bad thing to lie to her about it – but what else he could do? It was – still is – a very twisted situation.

It didn't mean it hurt her less or undid the damage of her trust in him. But she could _understand_ him better.

Was she unfair to him? Probably yes. But she couldn't just shrug and be okay with it suddenly either.

And again Lara felt how short she was on time. It was running next to her with such speed and left her always behind.

What will happen now? What happens if she goes down and gets the Source? What she will do then?

"I don't know…" whispered the answer to her own question. "I don't know what to do now." she repeated to Jonah, seeking some moral guidance from him "I don't know what would be the right thing to do."

He smiled at her faintly. "Even if you came here for a good reason, immortality wasn't something we should seek Lara. If we live forever, then what happens? Living and dying is a natural cycle, what happens when you stop that? You cannot play God."

But if it could save her father… and it can save millions dying in sickness. It can do good.

"The fear of death is the only thing what is really pushing us forward on the road." Jonah said it so casually, so easily, like he didn't really just hit the nail on the head.

The fear of dying was something what pushed Lara forward, she should know that. That pushed her forward in Yamatai too, that pushed her forward in Siberia as well. The fear of losing her life or others' lives.

Everyone got one life only and it was up to them how they lived it. Everyone will die eventually.

If she takes that away from the humanity… what remains? Does she even have the right to make that decision on her own?

No. She really shouldn't play God. But it was so tempting to do it – was she the victim of her own pride? How she didn't see that earlier? How she could commit such mistakes when she was fighting with people thinking themselves God? How she could almost become as one of _them_?

It hit her with such force and felt so disappointed with herself. A sad smile appeared on her face. "Am I a bad person, Jonah?"

Does it make her as bad as Trinity? Or Ana? What is the difference between the two of them? It was so clear before…. right now Lara couldn't really tell where the good ended and the bad started.

He patted on her hand gently. "No." answered in a warm tone "You are just young and do mistakes. But that's normal and you always learn from it."

As she stepped out into the cold air of the evening, Lara felt a bit lighter, even if the circumstances were far from being ideal. She still needed to deal with Trinity, still needed to decide what she will do with the Source, still had to fight, face monsters and stay alive. Was it crazy to be a bit more hopeful or that just clouded her judgement?

Cold wind came from the mountains, making her shiver, chasing clouds away, clearing the dark blue velvet sky and the millions of sparkling diamonds on it. Looking up, she felt as everything slowly clicked on its place giving her that inner peace and strength she longed for: she knew what she had to do, she knew where she was heading to and most importantly: knew who she was and what she was capable of.

* * *

 **Dun - dun- dun :D**

 **So I rather decided to have a good look into Lara's inner things, how she sees herself, what happened with her, how confused she was and how she needed a guide to make things clear once again. She is a very-very strong, self-aware character, BUT she is still very young and still has so much to learn and I do think as someone who is more into legends and artefacts and avoids people generally (Well she rather kills them xD) she must be pretty bad in human relationships (at this point). She is only at the beginning of learning so many things and see the reasons why humans do things what they did, she can easily misjudge people. No, not her enemies, she has plenty of experiences with them by now, but people like Jacob. I am talking about the tender version of relationships, not the ones she usually has with others - ally or enemy. And she rarely talks about these things. With whom? Has no mother or father to open up to, her best friend abandoned her, her father figure is also dead with most of her other friends. Jonah is the closest to her right now whom she trusts.**

 **And thanks for that, because Jonah is the clear voice and good with humans altogether, he can point things out to Lara, things she doesn't understand yet, but wiling to listen and learn from him. So Jonah can totally enlighten Lara, shows her she cannot categorize someone to be good or bad - she definitely learns that from her enemies as well, like Konstantin strongly believed he was chosen for this, while he was fooled, Mathias only wanted to go home and both of them did everything what they thought they had to to survive and achieve their goals. They lost their humanity in the process, but were they born evil? I doubt. But she wasn't romantically involved with them and love can make things a bit more difficult. (And she felt that on her own skin xD)**

 **And even if she feels like Jacob walked behind her back and betrayed her trust Lara needs to understand it is not that simple, the world is never that simple and humans are much more complex than that. Lying about this won't make Jacob bad, he is still that tender man Lara met and fell in love with, but he is not perfect, he never was and never will be. If she can accept that then they can move over this together - if there is a 'together' for them, mind that - and be happy.**


	7. Promises

**Hi,**

 **So sorry for the delay - unfortunately problems are heading toward me like an unstoppable train and God I just have NO TIME for my projects. But another update happened, so that is a good thing :D The draft of this was sitting for almost a week on my PC, had to postpone to add details to it over and over again, but finally today I've found time to deal with it :D I hope you will enjoy and feel free to leave your thoughts at the end :3**

 **\- non-English writer  
\- no Beta reader  
\- mistakes? sorry**

* * *

Jacob didn't face with such pain for a very- _very_ long time – and honestly he never hoped he will ever again.

He truly thought the capacity to feel love died out from him over the centuries, left nothing behind, but his shell only, pain and guilt and his memories to torture him, to remind him what he'd lost.

He deserved it. Let other things distract him, cloud his judgement and because of that, he made bad decisions. The love he felt for Sofia, Alya and his daughter was capable to override _everything else_ , but he shouldn't let that happen. His people's safety should be his top priority, no matter what. He needed to protect them and keep them away from the Source – them and others too. Slipped two times before and both times pained him deeply – losing the women he loved and first half of his people and then feeling constant fear for his daughter, seeing her die eventually, was something no parent should see. But he will. With time Sofia will be old and fading and Jacob will be there to watch it. He didn't deserve a happy, normal life because he wasn't normal either. Because he caused so many deaths already.

How his heart could not turn to stone after all? Loved his daughter, but truly believed he won't be able to love anyone ever again. And who would have thought a young archaeologist can and will change this? Jacob definitely not. It truly, deeply surprised him, didn't really recognize the feeling for first. The warmness whenever she smiled at him or the fondness when she was daydreaming about something, the fascination when she was on fire, excited as she put the puzzle pieces together. The urge to be near to her, talk with her, be around her. Impressed when she jumped into the middle of happening, fighting her way out and doing everything to reach her goal and keep her promise to help to the Remnants against Trinity.

Jacob would lie if he didn't admit these feelings scared him even. He was afraid of making mistakes again, causing suffering again and then: loosing Lara just like Sofia and Alya before.

And he was weak again, couldn't deny the pulling, couldn't say no to it, edging closer and closer to her. And then… then he had a moment of peace with her. Jacob found fragile happiness at her side, dared to feel loved once again, dared to love her and let her closer. The time they spent together was really precious to Jacob – she never asked anything from him, never pushed him, she just wanted to be with him for himself. For a moment he dared to believe there is a slight chance for them, even if her original reason to come here was the Divine Source, it seemed like she was capable to alter her path for him.

It was a sweet lie and he knew it but he was unwilling to face with it. Because that would mean what they have will end and soon. The love they shared, the gentle moments, the whispered words, her, will be gone and he will be there, alone facing the world, waiting for the next relic hunter to try to seek the Source's truth. And for the first time after many years, he didn't want it to end. He didn't want Lara to leave. He didn't want to lose her. He didn't want to be alone anymore.

But deep-deep down Jacob knew he eventually will be. Because of who he was, because of the man the Source formed him. It gave him a long life, but took everything else away from him and now it was there again, demanding another highly priced payment.

Looking down from his spot, where he stood alone, clearly saw the open gate, the Path of the Death, waiting for her. A small smile appeared on his face. Jacob doubted she will look after him to say good bye. No, not after seeing how deeply he hurt her.

She was amazing and a very bright, highly intelligent woman, but she was still capable to misread people sometimes. Assuming he tricked her into this, seduced her for a reason sounded like a joke. He would never do that to anyone – and Jacob honestly thought he wasn't capable to be _seductive_ , even if he wanted to be. And Lara would definitely see that. If only she could take her time to sit down and calmly think everything over – but she had no time for such things.

And again, an another childish wish of his. This wasn't about saving their pairing. It never was about that. It shouldn't even happen in the first place.

Still, when she looked at him with something was almost like _hatred,_ it felt like twisting a blade in his flesh.

Regret. ' _If only…'_

' _If only I would be someone else. If I could have a new chance. If I could make different decisions, fix my mistakes…'_

A female figure appeared, stepped out of the building where Jacob ordered his men to put Jonah to rest. It was her, looking at the sky. She… looked different now.

When Lara walked toward the building she looked to be so young, so fragile – he wanted nothing more than warp his arms around her and protect her from the harsh reality of the world around them. He would do it if Jacob wouldn't be so sure she will either way pull her knife out to chop him up or shot him down right on the spot – because even if she looked nothing more just a young adult woman, who could break in any moment under the pressure of her mission, Lara was very far from that and she could show some fierceness even then, when she was the most vulnerable that Jacob ever saw her.

But now, she looked different. Calm. Strong. Determined. This time it was the Goddess again, bones made from steel, unbendable and unbreakable, almost scary and cold.

It was… fascinating. Something he couldn't take his eyes off and could nothing more just admire her. Saw it in her in the gulag, when they first met, when they escaped and when she fought with Trinity as well.

After a long minute, she looked at the Observatory and Jacob knew Lara made her decision: it was time to go into the Chamber of the Souls and face with whatever was waiting for her.

Watched as she walked to the passage, looked into the darkness of it and after a moment of hesitation she stepped through it. He didn't have the courage to do the same for hundreds of years. He should and often thought about it, walking back into Kitezh and destroy the Source – it was the only right thing to do. He would prevent Trinity from getting it or let the Source to ruin an another other living soul ever again. He should save humanity from this curse.

But he was a coward and never did it. And now he put everything on risk: his people's lives and the faith of the world, only because he was too afraid to face with his past and mistakes.

Because of that Lara had to make the decision he couldn't make, a woman who was barely an adult is risking her life and face with such a burden Jacob should deal with.

His selfish part stirred awake, whispering a thought into his ear, tried to make his responsibility in the question less pressing: if he chose to destroy the Source he would never meet with Lara either. If he didn't make the decisions he did, he would never know her, never fall for her.

It shouldn't matter, it shouldn't make him feel less guilty, because it won't make his decisions to be more valid. But tasting the thought of _never_ meeting with her was a sour experience and secretly he was happy he had a chance to know her. Even if it was a horrible thought, because for that he needed to do serious mistakes.

It was time to make them right.

Still staring at the passage, Jacob tried to think straight, questions were chasing each other in his head. Can he leave her alone in such a moment? Even if she hated him now, even if she thinks horrible things about him, Jacob shouldn't leave her alone with this. Could he sit and watch and wait what will happen? How he could look in the mirror after that?

Did he really become this weak, this coward?

Who was he now?

-x-

"ANA! STOP!"

Her voice stopped him, it was so forceful, so ordering, like she could stop the time itself. Edging closer in the shadow, saw them: a blonde female knelt on the floor, hugging something close to her like a baby – except it wasn't a tiny human being, but the Source. Lara ran toward her, face red from the rush and the cold, and her coat stained from blood, but he didn't see any injury on her. It wasn't hers. Lara fought her way here, marched over any kind of barrier she faced with – still tried to be reasonable and make Ana to see sense. The older woman was still important to Lara somehow, she still tried to save her doing the exact same mistake what Jacob did.

But Ana wasn't someone you could convince that easily. She lost too much already and threatened to lose even more; her life. The slow, painful death was waiting for her and she didn't want to face that – so much Ana was willing to sacrifice her own brother. Jacob knew her look, saw it before over his years: she won't give up on the Source.

"What about your Father? You're dooming him to be mocked by history. How can you let this go? When you're so close?" Her voice was strained, not exactly begging, but close to that, used Lara's biggest fear against her.

It was a big temptation, he knew. Her father was everything for her and clearing his name was something Lara always fought for – ever since she came back from Yamatai. Carried heavy guilt, because she thought just the same about her father as the rest of the world did; poor Richard Croft lost his mind and chasing fairytales. Told about this to him at one of their peaceful night, when they still had time and he could keep her in his arms, hearing her story, knowing her better slowly. When he could be there for her.

It still pained her, it was clear. The way she was unable to look into Ana's eyes, how her breath got caught in her throat… she still considered making a different decision. She was _tempted_ , clearly hesitating, considering the idea of proving to the world her father wasn't a fool. But Lara was never someone you can have an influence on that easily – and hopefully she will stand this test. Maybe this was her hardest decision to make so far.

When she looked up, determination was in those dark brown eyes.

"I'm willing to make that sacrifice. I can't let you take it."

"Think of the millions suffering and dying. We can save them. We can change the world. Together." Was Ana begging now? Did she know Lara this well, did she know the young Croft was a mountain, unable to push away? One last desperate try?

"The cost is too high, Ana. We aren't meant to live forever. Death is a part of life."

A sudden, warm feeling hit him in that moment – a huge relief. Happiness even. Love. Lara understood how the Source would change and destroy everything – and maybe she could understand his reasoning as well. Why he lied to her. Why he _had_ to lie to her. Why he couldn't let her to take the Divine Source away. His motivation. Him.

It wasn't a difficult decision to make when he stepped out of his hiding place and killed that solider. Even when Ana raised her gun he wasn't surprised – humans were so predictable after observing them for centuries.

"JACOB! WATCH OUT!"

She was still worried for him, even if Lara knew he couldn't die, she still warned him, voice full of emotions, worry and even fear.

The familiar sounds of shots and then the strong pain hit him. The pain was something he could never use to it. It was still sharp and sudden, it still made him flinch, no matter how many times he felt it. Cuts, holes by spears and bullets, hits… it didn't become easier to deal with. Something never changes.

His own grunts and wheezing were mixing with the gunshots' ringing in his ears, barely catching Ana's words.

"…Another Croft doesn't have to die for this."

For this. For the Source? Or for everything? The valley, the people living in it, them, they together and their everything…

"But I am willing to."

She was braver Jacob himself hoped to ever be. She shouldn't die for this, she shouldn't, not for this, ' _please no, not for this, not for me….'_

The sounds of heavy armour against the floor, the Deathless Ones slowly circled around them, closing a deathly ring. Even if Jacob knew they won't hurt him, they were still capable to froze his blood from fear. They won't hesitate to kill any mortal living soul, just to keep the Source and guarantee their unnatural long life for themselves. Just like when the Mongols came and his army rather destroyed the City and the people in it.

No, he couldn't let that happen. Not again.

-x-

When she had the chance Lara didn't hesitate: picked the Source up, threatened the Army to smash it against the hard stone floor, hoping that will be enough, but they didn't stop. Raised it higher, above her head, ready to destroy it… but she couldn't do it. If she does that will save her and Ana's life, but on what cost? The scientist inside her still protested, but she pushed her away – it wasn't her real reason why she hesitated.

Looked at Jacob, who came after her, who tried to protect her, tried to keep her away from all this, whom she loved and laid wounded on the floor, still alive, but in pain.

If she does this, there is a huge chance she will lose Jacob too. Whatever happens after this he won't be immortal anymore and has a serious injury, bleeding already too much.

Can she do this? Can she lose something this important for her all over again? The chance for a happier life, for something normal? The chance to be whole again? The chance to be loved again and love someone back?

He looked in her eyes and Lara knew, they both were thinking about the same thing. They both were scared, they both wanted a different ending and it wasn't fair. How she could make such a decision?

It felt like just before, when he debated about making the first step or not, knowing Lara only needed a little push to one direction. Nodded at her, eyes gentle, reassuring. "It's okay." said to her in a warm tone, that one he used to tell her little secrets in the dark, tracking gentle patterns on her skin, when she felt the most peaceful ever.

She understood. "I'm sorry." whispered back, feeling her heart breaking while she did so, sealing their faith.

Time was running out from her hands now, like the fine sand between her fingers, taking every stolen moment of theirs with itself. Every touch, every kiss, every whispered word was about to be nothing more than ashes, like the Deathless Ones around them, screaming and disappearing, being picked up by the wind and blown away. No, she couldn't lose him. Not him too.

Running at his side, scared to death, waiting when he will be gone as well.

"Jacob, hold on…" begged, while pressed her hands on his wounds, trying to stop the bleeding, trying to save him, because she had to save him, ' _please God, let me save him'_.

His warm blood made her hands sticky and it quickly poured into a puddle on the floor beneath him.

"I've held on… for too long already."

' _No, no, nononono, please no.'_

"Please don't say that." it was hard to talk, when crying choked her, eyes heavy with tears what quickly found their way down on her cheeks. But she needed to stop the bleeding, needed to stay calm and don't fall apart, she couldn't fall apart, not now, not, when he needed her the most.

As his pain eased and his vision started to blur Jacob felt how death was close. It was somehow familiar and still totally new – he died for many times over his long life and knew how it felt to take the road toward death. But this time it was slightly different, knowing he will never return.

For years he longed for this, dying, knowing it will be final and his long life will reach its end finally. He thought he had nothing to lose, lived more than enough. Sofia is a strong adult and will be just fine, probably starting her own family soon. His people will also be fine, Sofia can replace him as their leader and lead them into a new, bright future when no-one tries to hurt them anymore. There was nothing he had to stay alive anymore.

And when it's finally happening, he has something to lose. Something what means the world for him. And he didn't want to die. It was unfair to her and to him. They deserved much more than this, they deserved happiness, a true chance, a promise of a life together. But Jacob was always a realist and knew there was no escape from death this time.

Took one final look at her face, something he will take with himself into the unknown. A small smile appeared on his lips.

"In all my years, I've met as few extraordinary as you."

' _And I adore you. I always did. Don't let anything stop you.'_

Shapes and colours blurred together, forming blackness around him as her voice still ringed in his ears but was unable to answer anymore.

* * *

 **Ummm, yeah. Well... yeah. This happened. What happened?**

 **Lara realized she was an asshole xD Well she kinda realized in the prev piece, - yay for Jonah! :D - but she faced Ana and said no to everything she offered to her - which is huge thing, it required the best of her to actually do it. Don't forget, she is an archaeologist, her work is to share great discoveries with the world and she believes in that - has no intention to keep any big discovery to herself, especially if that can help on humanity. And also there is the daddy-problem as well - with the Source she could prove Richard was actually right. And yet, she admitted this discovery has more risk than benefit, immortality is not for humans - or anyone actually. But then she needed to face with another problem:**

 **Jacob.**

 **Well yes, loosing the opportunity to prove your father wasn't crazy and losing the man you love can be ab it too much for a day.**

 **The question is: what happens now? Will she mourn and go home and cry and give up this path of hers? Or stays a bit more? Or just has enough of the world and disappears? Or... something else? Has any guesses? :D Share them, share ALL of them, I wanna know! :D (Also interested how much you love or hate this part... or me xD)**

 **(Whatever happens with her can be updated a bit more later, because I still have a very tight schedule, but be not afraid! I am alive and totally here :D)**


	8. Even though I walk through the valley of

**Aww, thank you for all of your reviews, they mean the world to me :3 Never really thought I will get any review, ever since I arrived into the fandom pretty late - well I shipped them right after I played with the game back in 2015, but started to write about them only now xD So happy there are still fellow shippers out there you leave their mark on this story :D As I mentioned this series is pretty much done on AO3 and I already started a new one with them, but probably the version will catch up with the AO3 version pretty soon :D So yes, I plan to fill the site up with my trash xD**

 **\- no beta reader  
\- no-native English speaker  
\- mistakes yeah happen, sorry**

* * *

Staring into the dark always helped her think, there was nothing what could distract her. She often laid in the bed for hours, feeling relaxed, but her brain was still working, trying to fix problems, trying to figure out the best solution. It was her most productive time of the day actually, when she was at her peace and able to think about the more serious questions.

Even if she didn't really do anything else, a warm hand on her bare back, signalled Jacob was awake next to her and tried to get her attention back to the present. _"You think too loudly.",_ he often said with a smile, then added she needed a proper sleep, pulled her back to him and they talked about small things, sweet nothings, until she drifted off to sleep – which happened pretty quickly, she noticed; his warmth and voice always slowed her racing mind down, made her more calm and felt safe.

When she lost her father a lot changed around her and Lara needed to grow up a little bit faster than other kids. Had no idea when was the last time when someone else looked after her – of course there were Winston and Ana and Alex and Sam for a while, but it… just wasn't the same. She could share some of her problems with them and she wasn't alone, Lara knew that – she could be much-much lonelier and knew how lucky she was, but deep down she always felt alone.

Of course, Lara had friends and lovers before as well, but it often felt she was sharing her mind and body for a limited time and with boundaries. Never really shared her whole personality, only some parts of it, only what made her acceptable for others – always showed her better side and never her complexity. But this time was different – for many reasons.

The first period after that talking among the buildings was a bit… alien to her. It was a very new experience, something she never really faced with before. What was before? Her short lived relationships and even shorter one night stands were about different things: either way, she tried to make herself being liked by the other one or they only chased a moment of relief and fun away from the problems of the world around them. Her partners usually weren't really interested in her, not truly. That wasn't a problem for her, well for the one night adventures, it was simple, clear, no expectations, but had a good fuck in exchange. For the relationships, Lara rather avoided them. What's the point if she doesn't meet to the expectations? Rather walked on her own path alone.

But Jacob was… different. He was simple and Lara never felt any ill meaning behind his moves toward her. He didn't try to amuse her or win her over. He just wanted to let things happen when they had to happen without any pushing and she liked that.

How she could forget that when she was angry at him that night?

Interesting, but despite him being older than her, Jacob was surprisingly timid, careful and even unsure when it came to the two of them. Even after he kissed her once, - he never stepped over any boundaries that time either – he didn't try to kiss her again right after it. Didn't even start to touch her right away. Still, his bright smile he gave to her, the warm looks, the worry whenever she headed out, it all signed he was serious that day and ever since, but needed some time to open up.

It was totally new to her, someone who didn't make a move right at the spot and tried his best to take her to his bed – and these small moments meant everything for her. Some peace and love, a breath of fresh air in the endless line of craziness, blood and screams. Like a safe place to rest on the hunt. A warm fire to warm up next to it, before she was heading out once again. He didn't try to tie her to himself. Even if he was a leader and had more life experiences, she felt like he didn't try to dominate her, but he didn't treat her as his equal either. He _followed_ her lead. She was the one who dictated where they will head and how fast or slow, he was willing to follow her and always respected her choices. And yet, when she was unsure, he gave her a little push, when she wanted to rush into things, he held her back a bit and made her think first, when she needed support, he was there.

Lara didn't really know what she gave to him in exchange. What she could offer to him? Loved to spend her time with him, was willing to hear him, asking questions from him, but never pushed him for more, when she saw he wasn't willing to share yet. They acted like they had every time of the world, when they didn't, not really. But they made time for themselves, stole it if they needed to.

She missed that time, when they silently sat in a cave watching the fire, leaning against him and he hugged her closer or simply pulled her into his lap and be around her, hiding her from the world. That was simple, no complications, she knew she was at the best place she could be, hoping he will stay at her side, whatever comes after them. It seemed easier to deal with the harsh reality with him in her life than alone, like she did before.

Felt like it happened ages ago.

-x-

When everything went silent in the Chamber of Souls and they were in safe and almost alone Lara was still at the edge of losing another part of her. She didn't know she still left something to lose, but she definitely had, feeling the cold fear of this part of hers will be ripped out of her, leaving her in more pain than before, making her more ruined and longing than before.

' _Could I do something differently?'_

No matter how hard she tried, couldn't find the answer to that question. Should she listen to Jacob, leaving the Divine Source behind, giving her mission up, accepting she came here for a reason, but found something else instead? Something what was much more precious to her – but realizing that way too late?

' _Could I save him?'_

Was she cursed to lose everyone who was important to her? To feel this pain that almost paralyzed her, made her more broken, reaching a point when Lara doubted she will ever be whole again? Being left like scattered pieces on the floor, shattered and alone with her painful memories, knowing what she had and what she lost?

' _If I don't freak out when he revealed who he was, if I react differently could we find another solution?'_

The same questions all the time. Could she do _better_? It felt like she _should_ do better. And still made the same mistakes over and over again.

' _When will I learn?'_

Her first instinct was screaming for help, but who would come? Who would hear her? All she could do to press her hands on his wounds, watching how his blood painted her hands to vivid red and beg to not give up just yet.

It was totally useless, she knew. If some miracle won't happen, Jacob will bleed to death. The fear ate itself into her deeply, cold and cruel, forcing her to sit and watch how he slowly fades away.

She had some foggy memories from before, about Yamatai. When she only started her journey to became the woman who she now was, when she had to make difficult choices for the first time it was so… shocking, such a trial her brain was unable to remember back to the moment correctly. It was blurry and unstable, Lara couldn't tell when the memory started or when it ended, she couldn't grasp it, only had strong feelings than vivid pictures of it.

This time was just the same. She couldn't really tell what happened exactly. Had fragments about Sofia and the other Remnants, but she mostly remembers to the fear and the almost physical pain, the urge to scream, thinking about the worst will happen and how much things she regrets; things she did or said or the opposite: things she never said to him, never asked from him, never thought about the future with him. She should, but she didn't and now those moments were gone forever.

The clearest thing she could remember was the hard ground, the cold and wet feeling of the snow under her knees, making the fabric of her trousers wet and muddy, her hands were frozen, her skin red and choppy, because she sank them in a pile of fresh, pure white snow, rubbing them furiously together to get rid of the half dried blood on them, watching how the snow turned to pink and her hands being numb from the cold. If only she could be numb as well, then she couldn't feel this pain, what made her sob and scream, wishing for it to be over already. Lara didn't want to face with this pain. Not again. Not for a third time. She wouldn't survive that. _'Please, not again.'_

Someone took care of her, got her up from the ground and led her away, back into the village to her temporary hut what she never really used – if she was in the village she spent the nights with Jacob mostly. For some reason her brain gave her some hints it was Sofia, who gently talked to her and told her everything will be all right. Lara wanted to tell her to stop lying.

She was left alone to rest, because she needed it, they told her. But being alone meant she was defenceless against her thoughts and memories; all she could think about was what she fucked up; the night when she realized who Jacob was and how she reacted to that, the things she said to him. The pain in his eyes, how he silently begged for her to try to understand it, how he tried to explain it, but she didn't give him a chance, because she was too hurt and too proud for it. Because she felt betrayed, but was she really?

She was just a stupid, stupid girl, making bad decisions all the time.

Lara waited but had no idea what she was waiting for. Tried to think about the future, but her brain jammed then shut down completely, unable to make it work. Jonah quickly joined at her side, feeling much better now and seeing how bad shape she was in – honestly, Lara only had a guess about her shape, but seeing her friend gasp and trying to hide his shock (with small success) the young woman had a guess she is not as fine as she thought she is. He tried to herd her toward some kind of goal, some kind of 'next move' – Lara always had a next move, always had a plan B, tried to keep on the move, but this time? She had no idea. Wasn't sure what she should do now; unable to make a simple decision or find any motivation to get up and push forward. Maybe she should just give up? If she forgets everything the pain will go away as well?

What she was waiting for? Punishment? Judgement? Someone to tell her what will happen now? Sofia, to banish her? Sometimes Lara heard her voice outside of her hut – she talked with Jonah in a low voice, asking him how Lara was. The redhead wasn't blind neither dumb, Lara knew. It wasn't long after Jacob's and her talk when Sofia simply stated, the Brit looks happier. Lara looked at her surprised, blinked, not really catching what she was talking about.

"He looks happier too.", Sofia added and left her there a bit shocked and wondering.

And now, after messing everything up, leaving tons of dead bodies behind her, Trinity soldiers and Remnant villagers included, making Jacob fatally wounded and took away his immortality, the female leader still considered her as a friend and asked after her wellbeing.

' _I did this to your father, to your people, to you, why are you this understanding with me?'_

Lara felt like she didn't deserve any sympathy or comforting.

Jonah always asked Sofia how Jacob was, but she always answered the same thing: he was still unconscious, but alive. Sofia didn't want people to go and disturb him with constant visits, so she kept her father separated and that was the most she could do. Told Jonah they managed to get the bullets out, but this was no hospital, they were no doctors; this was the wilderness and had its own rules; survive or die. Being far away from civilization was a real curse this time – even if someone would head out to find a proper city with a proper doctor and convince him to come back here Jacob would be already dead by that time. Or being better. This didn't mean Lara didn't think about it before, it would keep her occupied, but even she needed to admit it would be pointless. All they could do was waiting and hoping.

-x-

' _How I could grow close to someone under the limited time we had together?'_

She knew she shouldn't do this to herself, but had plenty of time to think and it was always easier to do so when darkness was around her, nothing distracted her from her thoughts. This time there was no warm touch on her bare skin, no gentle smile, no warm, deep voice to tease her for overthinking things. She was free to replay every moment they shared, every word they said to each other, every mistakes they committed, over and over again, not letting her sleep.

' _Mom and dad were the same?'_

God, if only she could ask her mother. She would ask what to do now, what she did when met with Richard Croft, when she had to make tough decisions, when her family was against her relationship with one of the Crofts. Her mother was strong enough to make her own choice and chose to be with the man she loved, married him and they had her. If only she could inherit of some of this kind of strength. Dealing with deathly challenges and enemies who want to kill her seemed to be much easier than dealing with emotions – Lara knew she was pretty good with the first one, but she was strongly handicapped with the latter. She was like her father in that question, brave enough to face any kind of danger, but scared to death when it was about love, anything stronger than a friendship. Not like being her friend wasn't challenging enough. Maybe her past formed her to be like this, but probably she always had something from it in her. To be this… awkward around people and find it difficult to open up to them, but capable of tolerate and deal with horrible things; things what would break most of the people around her. She was a survivor not an entertainer.

Sleep didn't come to her that night and the Sun was finally rising above the horizon – it was a very long night. Keep tossing and trying to make herself relax, she considered her options; could slip into her warm outer layers to get up, but Lara was too lazy for that, even if a quick walk in the forest was pretty tempting – maybe a small hunting trip could help her clean her head and be away from everything, feeling like she was the only human being in this world and fresh meat was always welcomed here. She could finally _do_ something.

Making a decision finally, sat up to put her boots on when familiar noise hit her ear: someone was running through the village. Curious, she stood up to walk to the door and poke out what happened – should she grab her pistol, just in case? Yeah, that never hurt anyone; well, except the intruder – when a female figure with red hair and intense green eyes almost literally exploded into her personal space, panting heavily, excitement in her eyes.

She didn't waste any time to say hi. "Come with me." It sounded almost like an order. "He is awake."

* * *

 **Okkkay. Eh. Sorry for the angst. I mean really. BUT I JUST HAVE TO WRITE IT! Who would be actually happy in that situation, right?**

 **It's creepy I still have ideas for these two, I mean I can go on and on with this series like forever, but I clearly don't wanna make it last forever xD Should I start a new one? Should I keep going with this one? Or should I just stop writing altogether? All the questions.**

 **So, I thought it is time to push Lara into a really big mess, like a big one. My goal is to still prove that she is a human, super-ability to kill bad guys or not, she is still a young adult and fuck, I did mistakes as a young adult - i still does honestly - and she is definitely not perfect either. Jacob did offer her the option of stop going after the Source and leave it, but she said no: that was her decision, not really thinking about her other options or what will happen if she keeps going. Adding the romance thing maybe she should think over the variations of her/their future. That happens when you are too driven to stop and think. It happens with everyone.**

 **I couldn't kill Jacob, clearly. I just couldn't. But I didn't want to make him half-God either, he was just extremely lucky - maybe God still favours him or the Universe thought he deserves a chance for a happy life or the bullets avoided any extremely important organs of his, maybe he was strong enough to survive or all options together. I definitely think he deserves a normal life.**


	9. Every chance we get we run

**Hi guys,**

 **Ever since I am making a pretty good progress on AO3, I decided to update the last chapter here today. So** **please welcome the last update for this series, the last part, the last piece, the endgame is here :3**

 **\- non-English writer  
\- no beta reader  
\- sorry for the mistakes**

* * *

The village was deeply asleep when she stepped out of her hut and followed Sofia's lead. The early winter dawn was mercilessly cold – it was something Lara couldn't really get used to, the freezing wind felt like a hit in the face. It reached her bones, no matter how many layers Lara put around her body.

The snow crunched under their feet as they silently marched forward in the dim light. Everything was very calm and even peaceful around them, but Lara felt anything but peaceful.

He was awake. He was _alive_. The stressful days when she was afraid of losing him were over, she could take a deep, liberating breath. But a moment later a new heavy topic emerged from the nothing: how he will react to her? Their last proper conversation wasn't a loving one and with the Divine Source gone… she had no reason to stay. What will happen to them now?

Lara hated to let herself sink into illusions and even if it was really tempting to do so, she refused. She will go home with Jonah; the young woman knew that. And also knew what she wanted; wanted Jacob to follow her, wanted them to live with the chance they've got. She couldn't leave him behind just like that, not now, needed to try and fight for what they had. Needed to try to preserve what they had, protect it and keep it alive. She wanted that.

But she didn't know what Jacob wanted. Was he willing to leave everything behind and face with the modern world at her side? Can she even ask that from him? Did she have the right for that? Looking up, watching Sofia in front of her showing the way her heart sank a bit. She was about to ask him to leave behind his _daughter_.

But it wasn't her choice to make. And whatever will he answer, Lara needed to respect that.

They reached a small building, what seemed to be slightly more comfortable than the huts among the trees. Two Remnant men stood guard, ensuring Jacob had his peace to recover. Sofia stepped to the door and Lara followed her without any problem - no one will stop her apparently.

Stepping inside right after Sofia, Lara looked around: It was pretty… well, almost cosy. The fire warmed the place up nicely – it felt really good after the harsh wind outside. Jacob was laying on the ground on bunch of thick furs, close to the fireplace, covering himself with a blanket, turning his attention toward the figures, standing in his door. He seemed to be tired and… weak. Lara never saw him being weak. It was an unmistakable sign of that he was as fragile as any of them now.

"I leave you alone." Sofia whispered to her and Lara already felt the freezing air against her back, as the red haired woman opened the door again and was back in the coldness.

Jacob shot a weak smile at her as Lara slowly walked closer, reached out for her. She accepted his hand without a word, letting him pull her closer, down onto the ground, kneeling next to him. They didn't need to say a word yet, just silently being thankful for both of them are alive and more or less well. For seeing each other again.

Honestly Lara didn't even know until now how much she was prepared to the worst case scenario.

Slowly examining him saw his bandages reached over the blanket's edge. He didn't heal quickly anymore. Worry filled her brown eyes; he was paler, weaker and clearly in pain. The urge to make him feel better was there again, but she couldn't do anything to ease his pain.

Reaching up with her free hand touched his bare skin; it was still warm, he was still here, he truly was here.

Suddenly Lara felt like she put down a huge weight, all her fears about losing him were gone, he was here with her, alive and healing. It was overwhelming, pushed the air out her lungs, like a huge punch or fall would, holding his hand like a drowning man, fearing if she let him go, she will lose him for good.

Heavy words were on her tongue, she didn't want to say them out loud, but they sneaked outside, no matter how hard Lara tried to stop them. "I thought I'm losing you." Admitting it was harder than she imagined, her voice was hoarse and failing her quickly, looking away from him, anywhere but him, fighting her tears back. She was sick of crying.

Warm and gentle touch brought her attention back to him as he caressed her cheek gently, swiping her tears away.

"I never wanted this happen to you. I should never let it happen. I'm sorry."

Lara made a small laugh, but not with joy. He feels sorry? He almost died and feels sorry for her, facing the end he predicted to happen? The end, he tried to warn her about? God, he couldn't be this immaculate.

"No, you've tried everything to make me see reason. You told me I shouldn't go after it without thinking my goals through, you told me to let it be, you asked me to not be this stubborn and learn from the mistakes of the past. The Source only caused destruction, but I didn't want to see that."

The way he looked at her was… gentle, but sad. He looked like even if he did try everything to make Lara re-think her actions, it wasn't everything he could do. He looked like someone who didn't do enough, didn't do everything he could, didn't try hard enough, his best.

"I should destroy it centuries ago, but I couldn't do it and let it fall onto you. It wasn't fair, it was my burden to deal with, not yours."

It brought back memories of a dreadful night and heavy realisations about himself and his past, his identity. And all the things she said to him then and there.

"I'm sorry." whispered, then slowly added "Because of how I reacted. When you admitted the truth. I said things I shouldn't say and… Dealing with the mere thought of those things were the last words I ever said to you..."

He didn't answer right away, didn't tell her _It's okay_ and _I am forgiving you_. Jacob felt like there was nothing to forgive to her.

"I lied to you." It was a sample statement.

"But not willingly." she objected. It wasn't fair to judge him because he did what he had to, even if it hurt her feelings. Thinking back Lara didn't really feel anything anymore – seeing him dying while she was helpless swiped out everything else. Getting him back was such a reward, she never dared to hope for.

"I still lied to you." Jacob took a deep breath and carefully let it out. Mistakes weren't an easy topic to talk about, but they needed to make things clear and leave them behind themselves. "We are not perfect Lara. Not you, not me, no-one. Humans tend to make the same mistakes over and over again and I thought I can learn from that, I had the privilege to watch them for many years and I still do the same mistakes. You cannot blame yourself for it. I lied and you felt betrayed, I hurt you even if I never wanted to, but I still did and I knew I will hurt you with this. Knew you will figure it out sooner or later. I should tell it to you way before and willingly, but…. I was too afraid I am going to lose you if I admit everything."

They were only humans.

"All we can do is to learn from it."

She watched him admitting he wasn't perfect. Maybe that is one of the hardest thing for someone to do: admitting his own mistakes. Lara also had to face with them after Yamatai and after the Divine Source as well: first admitting her father was right and she was wrong and how she abandoned him, thinking he lost his mind. Then kept thinking about what she did wrong, if she could save her friends or if she didn't push them to go into the Dragon's Triangle then all of them would be alive today. And now, almost losing Jacob, because she was too stubborn and eager to find the Divine Source, because she believed she could and she should, because it was her privilege, because it would do good to the world. She was wrong and all that came back to her to reminded her to her own imperfection, how she could think too much of herself and how cruelly her decisions avenged themselves. Lara hated it, but she knew she needed to do it to become a better person. Not perfect, but better than she was yesterday.

Squeezed his hand a bit, then bend over and pressed her forehead against his, took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the fire and _him_ , feeling extremely grateful he was still here with her, getting a second chance.

"I am willing to learn from it." answered softly.

' _With you at my side.'_

"And I don't want to do it alone anymore."

' _I don't want to do anything alone anymore.'_

Could she still hope for the best or was it simply too much she asked for? Was he ready for this? And she? Was this what they truly wanted?

He pushed her back a little and looked into her eyes, observed her for a long moment. Then simply smiled at her like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"I told you: I'd follow you anywhere."

* * *

 **Sooo... maybe you feel like it was a pretty... eh, simple. But I didn't want to get into details, because... that will happen in the sequel xD Yes, I do plan to write a sequel, probably another series of one shots. I have some ideas, probably not 9 stories long, but still, some :D Jacob in the modern world just too tempting to pass it on xD**

 **For the schedule: one story will definitely come before Christmas (Actually it is 2 more already and probably will be a 3rd story as well. Good thing I was like I will write the first part before Christmas, then have some break and keep going in the new year, but I clearly couldn't stick to that schedule...). The rest of them probably happen in the new year only. Until that please feel free to leave your mark, review and opinion how you liked this series, how annoying or bad was it and if you have any idea or request, PLEASE DO SHARE THEM!**


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